Buhl Family September

Boy, September was a complete blur.
September 3 was when Justin went into the hospital and our world have been upside down ever since. I am limited on what I can discuss regarding the matter at this time, but he is alive and that is what matters (it's scary to look back and see that this could've not been the case).

Busting out of the hospital was the best day we had. Lol

I want to write down the gratitude I feel for the people who have helped us during this time. The prayers, the texts, the thoughts, the visits, the love, the meals, the laughs you have provided throughout this time have held us up in a time when we often felt like we were drowning.

Our sweet boy is 8 months old and time is flying. He is crawling and standing up and laughing and it by FAR the cutest member of out family (&this planet).





We cannot get enough of him. He has this pleasant disposition always. He is just always having a good day. He loves to smile and talk and laugh. He loves to meet new people.
He will let anyone hold him and doesn't get upset if Justin or I leave.


September was a month of learning. My faith is growing.
My whole life the Lord has been trying to teach me patience.
By nature, I am filled with worry and anxiety until everything is settled....which makes for a very stressful journey.
He keeps trying to tell me, "I am with you and I will take care of you."
I'm working on it ;)

Right now we are home-ridden but we have the new Mario Party so come play with us. Haha!
Life is a journey but at least we all have each other.

xo Kels

Why I am choosing to stay a member of the church.

It's Conference weekend and I am listening to Elder Holland. He is speaking of a man who was deeply angered and offended by a Bishop and left the church of 15 years. With the deep courage of his children,15 years later, they asked him to come back. He accepted.

The story was longer when Elder Holland shared it, and it's a lot heavier that those 2 sentences, certainly to that family. But the man came back. The story got me thinking. 

Recently, I have heard a lot of people leaving the church. 

Some friends. Some strangers. Some silently. Some publicly. 

First off, I want you to know, I love you the same.  Always have, always will. 

My love for people has never been because we worship in the same way. 

How silly would that be. 

I love you, no matter what, always.

But I want to share why I have decided to stay a member of
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. 

I like lists, so here are my thoughts. 

1. I know my Father in Heaven loves me and I love Him. I know when I am being guided. 

Throughout my life, I have had feelings of overwhelming peace and comfort. Feelings that can only be explained by the Spirit. I have made decisions where I have felt confirmation that I am doing the right thing. Confirmations of the deep love that my Father in Heaven has for me. 

Those really strong feelings don't come every day. But they come. 

I feel that at church. I feel that when I live my life to the standards I expect of myself, when I live my life in a certain way. 

I believe it is our job to remember when our Heavenly Father blesses us, comforts us, confirms a small truth. When I feel overcome by worry or doubt or frustration or confusion, I cling to the truths I have felt a strong confirmation on. There are gifts. 

2. I understand that there isn't a way for me to understand everything.

The most common reason I personally hear of people leaving the church is that the person can not make peace with certain histories or policies of the church. 

As an African American woman, believe me. I can understand those feelings. 

I am a bleeding heart to a fault. I weep for the victim and for the criminal. 

Everyone has a story, everyone has a side. 

There are so many things I don't understand. I will be honest, my heart aches when I see a lack of diversity in the authorities of the church. It doesn't just ache for me. It aches for my bi-racial kid. It aches for my family. It aches for the children of diversity who don't get to see themselves represented enough in this church. I want to see a black man in the 12 SO BAD lol. (I'm not joking though :) 

For me personally, the issue of women having different roles in the church hasn't bothered me as much, but race and gender have many parallels, so my heart is with those who's heart hurts for women who feel like they are being shorted. I understand your frustration, your pain. 

Here are the truths I do have. 

Heavenly Father made very clear that we will not understand everything, right here right now. No prophet, bishop, monk, pastor knows EVERYTHING.

But, I have seen time and time again Him bring a MESSAGE from a MESS, turn a TRIAL into a TRIUMPH, and take our biggest tests and build them into a life changing testimony. 

There are things I will not understand. And I'm kind of glad about that. I would hope Heavenly Fathers plan is bigger than something my little brain could understand fully. I like Him being a few steps ahead.  

I just can't imagine there not being a bigger picture to all of it, all the things we can't quite understand. Say some of your fears out loud. 

Does Heavenly Father really love men more so He is giving them more privileges and blessings? (oh yeah right, I swear, if anything, He loves women more lol). Does Heavenly Father just "prefer" a certain race over the another? No way! Does sexual orientation change the the UNCONDITIONAL LOVE the Lord has for ALL His children? No! Impossible. 

Faith is a principle we all we have to practice and master. Faith lacks knowledge at times, it always has. 

But we must hold to the TRUTHS WE HAVE. Satan wants you to forget them. 

Don't forget them. 

3. I believe we chose to come here. Knowing that it would be hard, we still decided to come.

Life is so hard. As much I believe we chose to come to earth to learn and grow, man it's painful sometimes. 

I have wept to God in ANGER for the trials of my family, my friends, even strangers. 

"Why God? Where ARE YOU? How could this happen? They didn't deserve this."

I have prayed those prayers more times than I can count. 

I think of heartbreak, depression, insecurities, loss, and loneliness. 

I have cried and cried to my Savior in the pain of all the things I don't understand. 

But I am talking to the right person. 

Sometimes I think we forget just how much the Savior understands our pain. He doesn't just sympathize with us. He doesn't just say, "Oh shoot that must be really hard. Bummer!" 

He mourns with those who mourn. He knows the pain of betrayal. He knows the pain of loss. 

He know the pain of loneliness, the feeling of wondering where God is. 

Even HE cried out, "God.....where are you?". (Matthew 27:46) 

We are not ALONE. We ALL have trials and loneliness and anguish. 

These trials of faith are difficult and humbling...but we are in good company. 

The best of us are with us. 

We are not alone. 

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is a safe place for me. 

As much as, at times, I have felt alone. Or judged. Or offended. Or embarrassed. Or confused. Or angry. 

I will never forget the confirmation that I have received multiple times, that I am in the right place. 

I have always believed that GRACE is not the whole of it. I want to SHOW my Father in Heaven how much I love Him. 

I have always believed that like a parent has high expectations for their children, Heavenly Father has high expectations for us. 

Not to CONTROL us but to BUILD us up, to our highest potential. 

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is where I feel closest to my Father in Heaven. 

The Church is not it's people. It is it's gospel. 

The gospel of Jesus Christ. 

"When there's no peace on earth, there is peace in Christ." 

I love you all. No matter what. Thank you for loving me. 

xo Kelsie 

@kelsieishappy

Ps. If you feel like feeling the Spirit, go sit alone in your closet and watch this. 

(Only 3 minutes long)