The Dating Chronicles

If I have learned a lot about anything these past few years, as a 24 year old Mormon woman, it's about dating. Whether you are mormon or not, dating is probably a part of your life. We all desire to be desired and there is a certain type of companionship that your friends cant fill...my girl friends just refuse to hold my hand & cuddle me...actually they don't...but you get my point. lol

I cannot wait to divulge into the nitty gritty of what I've learned. Some of it is really funny. Others times it was embarrassing. Sometimes I really blew it. & at moments it was incredible painful. But that is life! 

I'd rather take the painful with the mistakes with the funny than sit on the sidelines and get none of it. 

To start off the series, I thought it'd be fun to get my friends perspectives.
I asked my guy & girl friends, mormon & not, (ages 20-35),
IF YOU COULD  TELL THE OPPOSITE SEX ONE THING YOU WANT THEM TO KNOW ABOUT DATING, WHAT WOULD IT BE ? 

What girls want GUYS TO KNOW: 

"You don't have to already be in love to go on a first date. And don't set up a date that starts anytime before seven and not buy her dinner." 

"Don't get too personal on the first date, keep it light and easy. They're supposed to be fun! Also first dates don't always mean first move, don't force it if the moment is not there." 

"I think that I would say not to be afraid of dating...I think a lot of guys don't ask girls out because they think it means more than just a date..."

"Relax. Have fun. Don't overthink."

"K here's my thing: be honest and upfront about how you're feeling. I know it's scary because that person may retreat in fear that you're in love with them, but that's when you call them out and tell them to grow up. We need more transparency."

"One thing I would want guys to know about dating that could majorly give them points (or at least score a second date) is show interest in your date !!!! Listen to them and ask freakin questions! The less you talk about yourself the better!!! If she's a good date, she'll be asking you questions too." 

"Do something fun and outgoing. Keep it light hearted, nothing too serious." 

"If you have interest in a girl (you think she's cute, nice, funny whatever) ASK HER OUT. You don't have to know you love her or if she's the one, just ask her out and make sure she knows it's a date (like actually use the word date). And when you do ask her out, it better be in person or over the phone (not text). " 

"Guys on first dates advice: Keep it light, keep it fun. No personal/intimate questions, i.e., no break up/divorce questions. Do not try to kiss them! Don't go to a fancy restaurant.  Don't gaze longingly into the other person's eyes."

"Personally I think what I would say is to just be open about how you feel. It's vulnerable but it let's you have the chance to make a real connection."

"Keep it SHORT. Don't turn a first date sprint into a marathon. 2 hours MAX & take us home. Don't underestimate a simple froyo date." 

What guys want GIRLS TO KNOW: 

"I wish girls wouldn't be so afraid. Don't be afraid to go on a date with someone they're not really interested in, don't be afraid to tell a guy that they'd like to go out or go on another date, and most of all don't be afraid to tell a guy that they're not interested. Sure it sucks for guys to hear that but at least they know to move on and focus their time and attention elsewhere. Girls who do that really show a lot of maturity. Fear should never influence or decisions in dating."

"I would say it's totally cool for a girl to decide what you do that night. The guy will still pay." 

"I'd say to just enjoy the moment of it. I've been out with girls both first dates and long term that seem to over think things and get worried if a future will work out way too premature. If they're worried about it, then communicate that to the other person. Long story short... don't ask yourself just yet if you can marry this person, but rather if you want enjoy spending the next 5 minutes with this person."

"Be a lady. No farting/burping/bathroom humor/etc. Obviously you can do all of those things... But maybe be discreet about them?" 

"If a girl is interested in a guy please help the guy by giving distinct signals that you're interested. But if you're not interested and want to be friends be honest in a nice way. Don't avoid and not answer cause it makes guys wonder and guess. "

"If I'm taking you on a date it's because Im interested in being more than friends, also just trying to get to know you better."

"Know their worth. Be patient when things get difficult, but don't compromise. Be confident but be understanding."

"This is what I would tell them is this: yes I asked you out because I was interested in you. However that does not mean that we are going to marry each other. Cool your jets... Enjoy the date and just have fun. Be yourself."

"My opinion would probably be that I would want to know if a girl is interested or not early on. Guys don't always know the cues /clues/signs sometimes we are pretty oblivious. It's difficult for me to  tell if a girl is interested. I know all girls are different but sometimes its better to just say things to make it known or not known."

"Let's see, I would say be genuine. Try not to be someone YOU THINK that they would want you to be. Be yourself and do what the Lord wants you to do. Because if you do that, the right one will love everything about you. "

"That boys are stupid and we definitely can't read minds, but are generally are trying to make girls happy." 

Is this not the best?! I melted as I got these texts back from my friends. Dating is on the brain you guys, whether we want it to or not, we are ALL thinking about it. Take the pressure off yourself & have a little fun. Flirt. Be brave. You got this. 

Xo Kels 

Ps. Have something to add? Comment below ! 👇👇👇👇👇

Pps. Next, we will be talking Date Club & Rejection... Stay tuned. 

The Power Of Empathy.

I found this years ago & it speaks to me in full voice. She speaks about empathy driving connection. I believe that. If we don't have empathy with one another, we cannot connect with each other. 

Empathy is feeling with people. “Empathy is a choice,” she says, “and it’s a vulnerable choice because in order to connect with you, I have to connect with something in myself that knows that feeling.

Kiddos, Give people a break. Learn to recognize that their perspective is their truth. Learn to listen, people need to feel listened to and loved. Don't feel discouraged if you can't solve their pain, just be there. &let people be there for you. 

Xo Kels

Ps. Blame.

Fraud.

I remember one day, about a year ago, I was sitting after church waiting around and a friend of mine came up to say hello. We weren't exactly close so she didn't have any idea of anything going on with me personally. I was going through an extremely difficult time because of an incredibly heartbreaking breakup. My eyes were like cups of water filled to the brim at just about every moment but I don't think many people knew that. 

We started chatting about life and such and she asked me how I was doing. I must have not had any " happy " left because I remember shrugging and saying something like " eh Ive been better, life's rough". She looked at me, I'll never forget, and said "Oh I never thought you had bad days. I look at you and think, her life must be perfect, she must get whatever she wants, her life looks so easy". 

This should have been music to my ears!! I had fooled her! I had successfully kept up the front I was putting on! But it TOTALLY killed me... I felt like a total fraud. After I left her, I just cried. Why was I doing this to myself ? Why was I missing so many opportunities for connection by pretending that my life was empty of trials and hardship. I wasn't doing anyone any favors by pretending life is perfect. Who was I fooling anyway?! (Except her) Haha. I decided right then & there that enough was enough. 

I realize now that real life, even with bumps & tough stuff, is way better than living unauthentically. After all, if Heavenly Father is accepting me as imperfect, why am I not accepting myself? 

This is a big lesson Ive learned this year, and that is just one of my discoveries! Ive perfected ways to shop and get the best discount, learned when it's time to end a relationship (even a good one), how to navigate through Disneyland like you own the park, why kindness is crucial (especially when getting out of a speeding ticket),  how to snapchat like a seasoned pro... &the list goes on.

So I'm starting this record of my life. Things I've learned. Times I've failed. And ways I've changed. 

I want my future nuggets to look back & see all the sadness, fun, disappointment, embarrassments, mistakes, successes,  shortcomings & trials their mom went through... 

& that she still chose to be happy. 

Xo Kels