Anyone who has been on this journey with me knows that this is a miracle from Heaven & please don't tell Justin that I am actually a crazy person because he has already been tricked into loving me. (This is a joke because he is VERY aware.)
I have spent so many moments pinching myself because I feel so very blessed. Justin is truly handpicked by Heavenly Father for me, boy it was worth the wait! Isn't that funny how that works? I want to tell you all the things I love about Justin but this is a blog post, not a novel. & I'll mention more later all the great things about this stud VVV
I have dated a lot I think and the funny thing is, I don't have any bad things to say about anyone that I have gotten to know! I have never dated a "bad person", but I have dated BAD FITS. Let's say that again for the people in the back. GOOD people, BAD fit.
A lot of people ask me, how I knew. How did I know that Justin is the man I should marry?
Marriage is a big decision! The BIGGEST decision.
If you are dating around, if you're in a relationship, or even if you're hopelessly single (I've spent 24 years in this state, I know it well), even if the perfect person comes around,
if you don't know what you're looking for, YOU WON'T FIND what you're looking for!
I'm no expert on this.....or an expert on anything in my life. lol
But I want to share what I have learned, in the hopes that it may help.
FOREVER IS A LONG TIME.
So let's gather all the information you can before you take the plunge.
Here is what I have learned about what matters, and what doesn't.
.
.
.
.
.
You don't really need to have things in common.
I have realized this throughout my life, but you don't really need to have tons of things in common. Obviously I'm not talking BIG stuff, but you don't need to marry someone who is interested in all the same things as you.
BUT BUT BUT you should have ONE good thing in common. Justin & I? Games.
We loveeeeeeee games. We love to play games & we love to win. It is no holds bar when it comes to games. It's the one time when we aren't only not on each others side, but we are out for TOTAL ANNIHILATION. We play games at least twice a week (his families play games too).
It's okay to have different interests. Justin mountain bikes. I... watch a lot of tv? LOL
We're into different stuff & that is okay.
Which brings me to my next point.
Opposites attract is a REAL thing...and sometimes the best thing.
I am stubborn as a mule. I can have a temper at times. I am social and if I'm in a room I want to know every person in there and their life story.
Justin is an observer. He would much rather be with 3 close friends than a room full of people. Small talk kills him.
Justin & I are very different and I am very grateful. I think we are a great complement to one another.
Pick a person who is able to complement your weaknesses.
Another example is finances. I am a spender & I am the worst at saving.
Justin has not a penny of debt & is a SAVER.
I have become so much better because he has taught me and rubbed off on me.
ALSO, I want to impress him and make him proud of my decisions.
I think the right person will do that to you. They don't berate you for your weakness, they are consistent in their strengths and you look up to them and they make you want to be more like them. Justin has done that for me.
Choose someone who adores you.
I never realized how important this is.
You guys. Marriage, the never ending, eternity type stuff, seems like a heck of a long time to me.
I don't want to marry someone who looks at me weird when I'm white girl dancing, or yelling during a game of Secret Hitler. I don't want a man who thinks I'm just "alright".
My favorite thing about Justin is the level of safe and LOVED I feel. He is so good at communicating it and he is so consistent. He tells me he loves me about 100 times a day, and means it everytime. When I am acting a fool or dancing like an idiot, he just watches and smiles... or acts like a fool and dances with me.
I remember I had HORRIBLE food poisoning. He had come home from the snow to find me curled around the toilet, sweating bullets, hair in dreads pretty much. And he leans down and says "You're even beautiful when your sick."
LOLOLOLOL You guys!!! I was not beautiful. I was a mess. But he loves me.
He has never once once ONCE said an unkind word, even joking, about me.
So I believe his compliments and they mean the world to me.
And most importantly, I literally can always be myself.
He takes me as I am and he loves me for it. Despite all the unlovable traits I have.
Pick a person who is actually a FIT.
I'm gonna be bold here. Not that it will actually help in the moment, because at the end of the day, you're gonna do what you're gonna do.
But you will realize I am right...just like I had to realize I was wrong in a lot of my previous situations.
Like I mentioned before, sometimes you have good people, bad fit.
I have had this occur a number of times.
This is hard one because you normally realize it's a bad fit AFTER the person becomes something special to you. It happens at a time where if you were to lose that person, it feels like you're losing a part of you.
The best example I have in my life is Justin.
Since high school, my serious relationships (probably 1 or 2) have been contentious. I'm a bull headed person who isn't uncomfortable with confrontation in a dating relationship. It became a habit and I think I truly thought that every relationship had to have some form of yelling. I was attracting the same type of bull headed (a good trait at times but not in healthy communication) people and when it was a fight, it was war.
Once again, good people, bad fits.
Then enter in Justin.
I, still holding all my bull headed traits only slightly refined, expect eventually to have a disagreement that one day leads to the unhealthy habits of my past.
The man will not fight with me. Lol If I am unhappy, he will find his part in it and he will address and adjust whatever it may be that is bothering me.
He will say sorry 17 times if that is what I need.
If I am having a moment of unnecessary attitude, he just loves on me.
He makes me LAUGH and makes keeps molehill disagreements, molehills.
He is so good at this you guys!!! Of course we don't see eye to eye of everything, we are different people, with different experiences, who SEE the WORLD differently!
But we are able to talk things out, without saying things we'd regret or we don't mean.
And like with his other strengths, he is teaching me, by actions instead of words, how to be like him and not sweat the small stuff.
Don't over think it.
When it comes to making your final decision on marriage, don't do what all humans have done since the dawn of time, and over think it.
2 things helped me know I was going to make the choice to marry Justin.
1. I never forgot what I had asked Heavenly Father for for all those years.
2. I knew what it felt like when Heavenly Father was telling me NO on a person.
I saw my friend get exactly what she had been praying for and suddenly it wasn't enough anymore. The world had warped her expectations and Satan had snuck in to tell her "the grass is greener".
Remember what you prayed for. No one is perfect, no one has EVERYTHING.
Work with people. LOVE people for who they are.
Do they love you & think you hung the moon? Do they make you laugh? Do they love the Savior? Are they willing to change with His help?
Then keep moving forward! Stick with it!
Justin doesn't have everything (he kinda does though). But I'm with him. He's my choice.
With certain people, I just felt a feeling of dread.
I'll say this one more time for emphasis... NOT BECAUSE THEY WERE BAD PEOPLE.
Heavenly Father knows so much more than we do, He knows everything. He can see the trials we will go through and the hardships. He sees every fiber of our being. There is no better person to warn us or guide us when making a decision like marriage.
For some time, I ignored the feelings of dread because I didn't have the faith that the Lord would bring me something better than I had chosen.
But He can. & He WILL.
The coolest thing about that is He will provide better for everyone in the situation. I love that.
And then when your meet your Justin, you will have a peace you've never felt and you will feel grateful to recognize it, because it will feel just like home.
Xo Kelsie
So let's gather all the information you can before you take the plunge.
Here is what I have learned about what matters, and what doesn't.
.
.
.
.
.
You don't really need to have things in common.
I have realized this throughout my life, but you don't really need to have tons of things in common. Obviously I'm not talking BIG stuff, but you don't need to marry someone who is interested in all the same things as you.
BUT BUT BUT you should have ONE good thing in common. Justin & I? Games.
We loveeeeeeee games. We love to play games & we love to win. It is no holds bar when it comes to games. It's the one time when we aren't only not on each others side, but we are out for TOTAL ANNIHILATION. We play games at least twice a week (his families play games too).
It's okay to have different interests. Justin mountain bikes. I... watch a lot of tv? LOL
We're into different stuff & that is okay.
Which brings me to my next point.
Opposites attract is a REAL thing...and sometimes the best thing.
I am stubborn as a mule. I can have a temper at times. I am social and if I'm in a room I want to know every person in there and their life story.
Justin is an observer. He would much rather be with 3 close friends than a room full of people. Small talk kills him.
Justin & I are very different and I am very grateful. I think we are a great complement to one another.
Pick a person who is able to complement your weaknesses.
Another example is finances. I am a spender & I am the worst at saving.
Justin has not a penny of debt & is a SAVER.
I have become so much better because he has taught me and rubbed off on me.
ALSO, I want to impress him and make him proud of my decisions.
I think the right person will do that to you. They don't berate you for your weakness, they are consistent in their strengths and you look up to them and they make you want to be more like them. Justin has done that for me.
Choose someone who adores you.
I never realized how important this is.
You guys. Marriage, the never ending, eternity type stuff, seems like a heck of a long time to me.
I don't want to marry someone who looks at me weird when I'm white girl dancing, or yelling during a game of Secret Hitler. I don't want a man who thinks I'm just "alright".
My favorite thing about Justin is the level of safe and LOVED I feel. He is so good at communicating it and he is so consistent. He tells me he loves me about 100 times a day, and means it everytime. When I am acting a fool or dancing like an idiot, he just watches and smiles... or acts like a fool and dances with me.
I remember I had HORRIBLE food poisoning. He had come home from the snow to find me curled around the toilet, sweating bullets, hair in dreads pretty much. And he leans down and says "You're even beautiful when your sick."
LOLOLOLOL You guys!!! I was not beautiful. I was a mess. But he loves me.
He has never once once ONCE said an unkind word, even joking, about me.
So I believe his compliments and they mean the world to me.
And most importantly, I literally can always be myself.
He takes me as I am and he loves me for it. Despite all the unlovable traits I have.
Pick a person who is actually a FIT.
I'm gonna be bold here. Not that it will actually help in the moment, because at the end of the day, you're gonna do what you're gonna do.
But you will realize I am right...just like I had to realize I was wrong in a lot of my previous situations.
Like I mentioned before, sometimes you have good people, bad fit.
I have had this occur a number of times.
This is hard one because you normally realize it's a bad fit AFTER the person becomes something special to you. It happens at a time where if you were to lose that person, it feels like you're losing a part of you.
The best example I have in my life is Justin.
Since high school, my serious relationships (probably 1 or 2) have been contentious. I'm a bull headed person who isn't uncomfortable with confrontation in a dating relationship. It became a habit and I think I truly thought that every relationship had to have some form of yelling. I was attracting the same type of bull headed (a good trait at times but not in healthy communication) people and when it was a fight, it was war.
Once again, good people, bad fits.
Then enter in Justin.
I, still holding all my bull headed traits only slightly refined, expect eventually to have a disagreement that one day leads to the unhealthy habits of my past.
The man will not fight with me. Lol If I am unhappy, he will find his part in it and he will address and adjust whatever it may be that is bothering me.
He will say sorry 17 times if that is what I need.
If I am having a moment of unnecessary attitude, he just loves on me.
He makes me LAUGH and makes keeps molehill disagreements, molehills.
He is so good at this you guys!!! Of course we don't see eye to eye of everything, we are different people, with different experiences, who SEE the WORLD differently!
But we are able to talk things out, without saying things we'd regret or we don't mean.
And like with his other strengths, he is teaching me, by actions instead of words, how to be like him and not sweat the small stuff.
Don't over think it.
When it comes to making your final decision on marriage, don't do what all humans have done since the dawn of time, and over think it.
2 things helped me know I was going to make the choice to marry Justin.
1. I never forgot what I had asked Heavenly Father for for all those years.
2. I knew what it felt like when Heavenly Father was telling me NO on a person.
I saw my friend get exactly what she had been praying for and suddenly it wasn't enough anymore. The world had warped her expectations and Satan had snuck in to tell her "the grass is greener".
Remember what you prayed for. No one is perfect, no one has EVERYTHING.
Work with people. LOVE people for who they are.
Do they love you & think you hung the moon? Do they make you laugh? Do they love the Savior? Are they willing to change with His help?
Then keep moving forward! Stick with it!
Justin doesn't have everything (he kinda does though). But I'm with him. He's my choice.
With certain people, I just felt a feeling of dread.
I'll say this one more time for emphasis... NOT BECAUSE THEY WERE BAD PEOPLE.
Heavenly Father knows so much more than we do, He knows everything. He can see the trials we will go through and the hardships. He sees every fiber of our being. There is no better person to warn us or guide us when making a decision like marriage.
For some time, I ignored the feelings of dread because I didn't have the faith that the Lord would bring me something better than I had chosen.
But He can. & He WILL.
The coolest thing about that is He will provide better for everyone in the situation. I love that.
And then when your meet your Justin, you will have a peace you've never felt and you will feel grateful to recognize it, because it will feel just like home.
Xo Kelsie
